Beautiful Angel
by Angie Shinmore
Summary: Short Hikaru no Go POV fanfic, about Sai in the Heian days. Slightly shonen ai. Original French version available as : Mon Bel Ange


Beautiful Angel

Hikaru no Go - Sai fanfiction

In English & en français

Rated: G

Warning: Shounen-ai

Fanfic by: Angie, october 2002

e-mail: laekh@voila.fr - angie@traumen.com

Homepage: http://www.shinmore.com

HnG © Hotta Yumi, Obata Takeshi, Studio Pierrot

No money made out of this, just for fun. Please don't sue, thanks! ^_^;;

First of all, please bear with me if my English is sometimes awkward; it's not my mother tongue. ^_^;

Beautiful Angel

My only love is Go

His beautiful amethyst eyes widened in surprise for an instant, and his cheeks shyly turned an adorable hue of red. He hesitated a moment, avoiding looking me in the eye, then he cautiously retreated a step from me and put a calmer attitude back on.

"Sensei, although your…"

He marked a brief instant to think for his words before continuing: "…your interest in me is extremely flattering, I am obliged to decline your… proposal."

He smiled to me. But it was only a polite, reserved, somewhat embarrassed smile.

"I… would be very grateful if you would never talk of this… matter to me anymore. I wish you good night…"

In a fluttering of satin, he intended to go away but I grabbed him by the arm. He grimaced lightly. I couldn't make out if it was a painful, silent wince because of my strong hold on his delicate arm, or if it was a disgusted grimace caused by my sheer presence… and this uncertainty was unbearable to me.

In my haste to grab his arm, my face had come closer to his, so close actually that I could now smell the soft powdered scent of his alabaster face, that seemed pearly under the pale moonlight. A cloud passed over this nightly shadow of the sun, hiding it for a second, a second of total silence except for our rasp breathing. A soft wind rose, but the intoxicating perfume of cherry blossoms that it brought to me was not the least comparable to the addictive powdery scent I had come to associate with this young man. The pearly glint of the moon was pale compared to the immaculate marble of his skin. Marble, indeed… to me, he was as cold, reserved, unreachable as a marvellous statue of marble…

"Sai…"

I just whispered his name, my shaking voice telling about my desire. Both my hands closed on his shoulders, hoping to keep him close to me forever. He started and took a step backward, then a second one, then another, and another one. But following each one of his retreating steps, I took a step forward in order to keep the intimate promiscuity between us. Finally, he ended up with his back against the closed door that led to the interior of the palace.

The amethysts of his eyes seemed to shudder from fear, while his lips painted a tempting hint of pink begged me to release him.

"Please Sensei! He said in an anguished tone that he was trying to hide under a feeble smile. Let me go… I… I don't want to!"

"Am I that ugly, for you to be afraid of me ?!" I shouted "For you to flee from me like that?!"

Then Jealousy that was burning in my veins made me harshly add: "Or is it because your heart already belongs to someone else? Someone of a higher rank than I, surely… Maybe the Emperor himself?!"

He started, shocked. Then denied it almost immediately, his voice strangled with indignation: "You are wrong! I don't feel that way toward the Emperor, my respect for him is due to his rank, my reverence to him is all… all in innocence! … What's more, my only love here is Go!"

Was his loud protest the sign of a revolted victim of defamation, or was it in contrary the proof that I had guessed his true feelings right? I never knew the answer, for at that moment, one of the imperial concubines happened to pass through the garden, her wooden heels tapping on the stones of the path like a child's laughter in summer.

Abruptly, I let go of Sai before the woman could see us in so compromising a situation. On her way, she greeted us but dedicated her smile to Sai and him alone. Then she continued toward her private rooms to which one could access through the door before which Sai was standing at that precise moment.

Grabbing this opportunity, he greeted her quickly and asked about her Go. She stopped, her hand still on the door she had just opened, then she pouted : "Sai-sensei, I'm afraid I haven't improved in the least, in spite of all your advice!" she said.

"Oh, but still I'm sure that with some training…"

Thus they chatted and left. They got back into the palace, closed the panel door and left me behind on my own. Holding back a sigh of frustration, I lifted my eyes toward the full moon. Suddenly, I thought it looked like a giant white stone standing on the goban of the universe. Then I started to mentally curse the moon.

A few days later, drawn by the jealousy that was eating me alive, I cleverly told the Emperor that it was useless for him to keep two Go instructors. Then I advised him to organise a match between his two instructors in order to determine which one was the best. "Only the best are worthy enough to stay and serve you, your Majesty." I added with a smile of flattery that convinced him to do as I had told. So a match was organised upon his order, between the two imperial Go teachers, namely Sai and me.

All dressed up in white like he used to, Sai arrived with the witnesses to our match.

"Please", he said bending his head.

"Please", I answered, giving the signal for the match to begin.

I put my first stone on the board and Sai almost immediately answered to it by putting one of his, as immaculate as his clothes and as cold as his attitude toward me. Our game lasted long, none of us could actually get the advantage over the other.

Since our last encounter in the garden a few nights ago, it was the first time that we were face to face. Still, Sai wasn't nervous; he had been as superb as a placid idol of stone when not so long ago he had kneeled before the board in front of me. My lust for him turned into hot rage when I saw that: our conversation on that night didn't mean anything to him, it was so insignificant to him that Sai didn't even worry about it, he had already forgotten about it. While for months now he was all I could think about night and day, he didn't even bothered remembering that I opened my heart to him on that night and that he just waved my gift of love away, like one would with a boring insect, and ran away with the lame excuse of a conversation about Go with a concubine of the Emperor!

I was so resentful toward Sai at that moment. That surely was what caused me to not speak up and tell that one of his stones had by chance been mixed with mine in my basket. Instead, I waited for the right moment and transferred it to the pile of stones I had captured from Sai during the game. No one saw my manipulation, except Sai himself. He was about to call me out as a cheater but I cried out first: "Hey, you have just added a black stone from your basket to the ones you have captured! I saw you, you tried to cheat!!"

Of course, Sai protested saying I was the one who did it, but the Emperor, horrified by the idea that one of his instructors could have cheated, ended the argument and ordered us to continue the game. We obeyed.

At last, Sai didn't show me this placid indifference that I so much hated! His mind was more than disturbed by the events, my blaming him of cheating had at last shaken his soul where my love had not been able to even scratch it…

Finally, after the game ended and the stones were counted, Sai lost by short. Pointed out as a cheater as well, he was immediately driven out of the imperial court. At that moment, my victory smile was mixed with the bitterness of not ever seeing Sai anymore. But I was soothed a little by the feeling of accomplished revenge against the one who had refused my advances.

Two nights later, while I was alone and putting the stones away after a game of Go with the Emperor, an owl as white as Sai's clothes were the last time I saw him, landed silently on the goban in front of me. Turning its ghostly head to look at me with its black eyes, round and shining like Go stones, the night bird remained as silent. And soon after looking one last melancholic time at the board, the owl flew away, rising up graciously into the dark scenery of the night. It only left a white and black feather behind, that danced in the air for a moment before landing like a caress on the goban.

That was when I remembered that legend, which said that if a white owl appears on the day someone dies, that person's soul would wander on Earth for a thousand years…

Strangely, my mind wandered with nostalgia toward the memory of Sai.

It was only the day after that I was told he drowned himself on that night. Then I was torn between sorrow and relief: if I had not been able to possess him, no one would ever have him either… my beautiful white angel.

Author's notes:

I know Sai's eyes are not exactly violet, but they do have a lovely purple hint to them; I love purple eyes! ^_^ This was a short point of view fanfic about Sai on the Heian days, based on what is told in the first volume of the manga. And the mention of the white owl is a reference to the short manga "1000 year wanderer" included in the Hikago "Gorgeous Characters Guide".

For some time, I've had this twisted idea of another possible view on Sai's tragic end, here was the result. And I must confess it's a little disturbing…

Since, in the manga, Sai doesn't name his opponent when he relates this event to Hikaru, I just left the cheater unnamed here, and made him the narrator of my fanfic… (Don't you find him just horribly frightening? I do. Ô_o Poor Sai…)

I hope you liked my fic, comments and constructive criticism welcome. (I could use some tips on English for example, so if you spot any error please let me know! ^_^)

Hum… yep, I almost forgot to stress this: the one whose "only love is Go", is of course Sai. And "sensei" is the equivalent for professor/master in Japanese.


End file.
